It’s around 2:00 AM (IST). I cannot sleep. There’s a tornado of thoughts messing up everything in my head. What am I thinking of? I don’t know. I don’t understand. It’s like my own life looking at me right now and saying, “It has just begun, my son!” It’s not like I don’t know the reason behind it. I may not know what’s happening but I know why this is happening. The days are not how they used to be. Now I have a job. And sometimes, I may have to change my preferences completely. And there comes this fear – will this eventually come to a stage when I just keep postponing them(everything that I have dreamed of) everyday? And I have no answer. Or am I taking things too seriously? Will it really come that far? Or am I too lazy to do them right now? I don’t know. I tend to laugh at myself when I have “I don’t know” as the only answer for every question I ask to myself! Even now, while writing this post, I’m wondering how many “I don’t know”s I can find in this page, once I complete writing it.
Before I say anything else, let me just apologize if I’m going off-topic. I just want to put into words everything I’m feeling right now. All these days, I just kept giving suggestions, tips or whatever you call them. Those were the days when I had nothing to do but just learn things and attend exams. But now, this is the time when I have to learn to stand on my own feet. This is where I see the best of the life, and also the worst. If you have noticed, it has been so so long since I’ve posted my last article, and I’m writing this after months. There are also several other pending drafts which I don’t even remember what I was thinking when I wrote them, and now they just remain. This is how a typical student-to-employee transition would be, or at least in my case.
And because of this long break in my writing, there were days when I felt like it’s over. There were days when I said, “I’m done!” I almost gave up. I stopped writing. But there’s something in me that didn’t stop. And then, I don’t know why or how, but I started drawing some random things on a paper just like a kid. I didn’t know what I was doing. But I just started. Because when my mouth can’t speak, my pen speaks no matter how. And because…
Because you know what? When you have something built inside you, something that’s not just your hobby, but something that makes your personality and if you know what it is, then you just won’t give up. There may be a break. There may be hurdles. There may be days when you said it’s all over and you feel like you’re done. My friend! Listen! Somewhere in your personality, in some corner, it is still alive. All you have to do is just starting. Start it just like a baby trying to walk. Trust me, this time you’ll start running faster than before. Believe it. Receive it. It’s all in the faith. All that matters is what you are believing in.
And now I can have a good sleep. Thank you for reading folks! I thought of sharing my feelings with you but see, this passion and love to write came back to life. As I said, just because I started. And I can already see that this post is more powerful then every other post I’ve written in this blog. Tell me why? Just because I’ve started. This is not a story that’s made up. This is my very experience, my thoughts put down on my screen as they come, just like a live feed. But you’ll have to read it in the future. Well, This ending was completely unexpected and fortunately, I hope this can help you somehow. Keep smiling.
This post looks very small and brief but I’m encouraged with my own words so I just want this to be a happy ending! And I hope it helped you too!
P.S. Feedback/Suggestions appreciated, please go ahead and add a comment and let me know how you felt 🙂